Trails and Faith
I said i would post more later and right now seems like a good time. The last few months have been hard on me and the kids. The struggle of separating, the kids adjusting to living with Mom and seeing dad when they can ( working around work schedule and his other responsibilities he has) and then knowing they have a great granddad that is having a hard time with medical problems along with their papaw who is struggling with cancer. I am trying to be strong for them but i too have to cry sometimes to let it all out. This family has been a part of my life for fifteen years and it does affect me too. Just because i am not technically a part of them no more does not stop the pain i feel for the heartache they and he is going through. Their father is having a hard time too. I sometimes wished i could be there for him as a friend but he does not want that. This is his Granddad and Dad that is going through this. I may be mean at times but part of me still loves him and always will. I want him to know i understand what he is going through. I also understand why he does not want my support and that is fine. You know who you are and know you are in my prayers. I keep an open relationship with the kids and inform them on what is going on. I am trying to prepare them for what will be coming in the future with the family. The boys are smart and they understand. I d not see their age being where they may not understand. I want them to know. I have been told they should not see their papa as he is now but remember the good times with him, i say NO! If you really think about it, they would come to you later in life and say i despise you from keeping me from him while he was like that. I do not want them hating me in the long run. They are old enough to know what is going on. And you can not always protect them from the bad things in life no matter how much you want too. It is a wait and see what the day unfolds now with everything going on. This is where faith comes in. I know in my heart i do not want him to suffer any more then he has already. I know there is a better place but it still hurts when you lose someone that has been a part of your life for so many years. So as i wait each day to see what is brought forth, i will keep praying and holding my head up and be there for those who needs it or wants it as i do what i have to do for my boys.